First, here's the problem with the idea of "No Means No"
Hey wanna have sex? *silence*
Hey wanna have sex? Idk
Hey wanna have sex? *passed out drunk*
Hey wanna have sex? *passed out asleep*
WELL THEY DIDN'T SAY 'NO', RIGHT?! Were you really sexually assaulted if you didn't say no? Why didn't you put up a fight? Why didn't you leave? Where was your pepper spray and chastity belt?! For god's sake, why did you get so drunk that you couldn't say "no"?!
It is NOT the victim's responsibility to have done everything in their power short of shanking a perp with a machete to prove that they are indeed a victim and that, no, they didn't want this to happen to them. The absence of a "no" is not an inherent "yes". Blaming the victim for not protecting themselves does not justify or excuse a horrific crime.
Confused why someone wouldn't say no? Here are a few reasons someone might not be able/feel comfortable enough to say no:
1. Flight, fight, or freeze responses. Learn a Psych 101 book, duh. When put into certain threatening situations, some victims might freeze. They won't say or do anything that makes you indicate that they do or do not want sex.
2. Women specifically are not empowered enough today to say "no". Think about it. Have you ever seen a girl being cat called on the street? Did she ever turn around and say "NO WAY BRO YOU DON'T SAY THAT ISH TO ME!"? I doubt it.
3. Guys are socialized from a young age that they should always want sex. So what if they are put in a situation where they don't want it? They might not feel comfortable saying no either.
Here's why "Yes Means Yes" is the shiz and will promote healthier, more communicative sexual relationships for everyone.
Hey wanna have sex? hell yeah
Hey wanna have sex? *nods head up and down emphatically*
Hey wanna have sex? *rips off all clothes*
So not all of these are verbal yeses, right? Aha! So if we accept non verbal cues as a yes, then we shouldn't require verbal cues for a no. So scratch all that "no means no" nonsense. People can't just run around willy nilly committing crimes and get away with it as long as the victim doesn't say no. For example,
Me: *steals your watch*
You: yo, that's mine, I didn't give it to you
Judge: well looky here, you never said no, you never said Bailey couldn't have it...so tough titties, kid. Case dismissed!
Oh hey, but here's when yes doesn't actually mean yes, you devil's advocate, you.
Hey wanna have sex or I'll break up with you? ok...
Hey wanna have sex if you actually really love/like me? ok...
Hey wanna have sex? Yeah...*an hour later* Crap, no I changed my mind!
Yeah, coercion is not consent, my good friend. A person's "yes" should be willing, enthusiastic, and genuine. Erryone also has the ability to change/revoke their consent at any time.
So what? I have to ask a person to have sex every time?! What if it's a fiery, spontaneous, spur of the moment intense love making sesh? What if we've been dating for 5 years? What if we've been hooking up for a month?
Yo, if you can't take the 2 seconds to ensure that your partner is ready to frick frack, you really shouldn't be frick fracking with them. And if you just ask it frees both parties up to get loosey goosey and weird with it because no one will be wondering gee...can I put my hand on her boob? Is she down for that? Should I take my shirt off? Is it too early to ease into dry humping? Open a little dialogue, my friend, and you won't be left guessing what your partner does and doesn't want.
So to recap, "No Means No" blames the victim if they didn't explicitly fight a perpetrator off with a medieval flail while screaming like a Banshee warrior. "Yes Means Yes" makes the initiator responsible for getting sincere consent. And if you think opening your mouth, to utter 1 sentence, that indicates you genuinely care about your partner, while in the bedroom, is going to kill the mood then you need to go reread the Kama Sutra and learn some new seducing techniques, cause your game is weeeeak.
Sweet Jesus, these are GLORIOUS! Well done, girl!
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