Destroy the Phrase "Daddy Issues"

When I was younger, I always wanted my dad to be one of those dads that greets every male visitor, of which I probably had a total of 2.7 during high school, with a shot gun. I wanted him to scare the living bejesus out of any guy that so much as looked at me, which again, was probably a total of 3.6.

My dad wasn't that kind of guy. And when I was still in elementary school and he sternly told me that I wasn't allowed to call him "daddy" anymore, I was a little heartbroken. I didn't understand how society viewed girls that used the term "daddy" as more damaged and less important than other girls.

So I grew up with a kick ass dad whose only short coming was not wielding rifles 24/7 and getting arrested for threatening teenage boys. Still, I always found myself trying to impress him. My meal of preference is just a slab of meat, I've gotten to the point where I don't cry when he drives me around on his motorcycle, and I get to have sports-related conversations with him every 4 years during the World Cup.

However, every girl grows up differently. Some grow up with absent fathers, abusive fathers, neglectful fathers, or might just want more out of their relationship with their father.

The term "daddy issues" mocks girls that have nonexistent, broken, or fragile relationships with their fathers. How sick is that?

And before you say, well men have parental issues too *whine* *cry* *pouty face*...

Think about the term "mama's boy"...that doesn't exactly render the same response of sexual shaming, degradation, and mockery. The term portrays these boys as sweet, with good relationships with their mothers, and respectful towards women.

Back to the issue. Here are the faults, among many more, with the phrase "daddy issues":

1. It fetishizes women who are overly eager to please men, especially sexually.

Take a look at porn. The fact that there's even categories for "daddy issues" is gross.

Men are attracted to these women for aggressive, one time sex. But these women are not worthy of long term relationships because they are "sluts". If I like aggressive sex, I'm deemed to have "daddy issues"...if I show other signs of "daddy issues", I must be a freak in the sheets.

I've experienced it personally in a sexual relationship that I felt comfortable enough to be myself in bed. The guy immediately started treating me differently. He asked me if I was a porn star and he started calling me a slut like it should turn me on? Ew, get away with that crap.

2. It infantilizes women who call their significant others "daddy".

If a woman chooses or feels obligated to call her significant other "daddy" she is automatically infantilized by both men and other women.

Using the term "daddy" establishes a place of submissiveness in the bedroom. But hey, that's all gucci for some people. Roles of dominant and submissive partners can be part of healthy relationships. So don't blame them on "daddy issues" and assume this woman is weak or insecure. However, it can also be demeaning towards some women and make them feel uncomfortable to call a man "daddy" because of this power imbalance. Talk it out with your boo and make sure everyone is feeling equally valued during sexy time.

Also, women, stop saying it's "creepy" when other women call their significant other "daddy". You don't know her life. You don't know if she enjoys it. You also don't know if she does it as a result of having a skewed relationship with her father. Ease up and support your sisters, geeze.

3. It discredits feminists and women who may seem "masculine". 

Often times, when women have strong beliefs against patriarchy or traditional masculinity, or display themselves as more masculine in dress or behavior, their ideas are dismissed because they must have "daddy issues".

Just because I don't want to submit to ideas of traditional femininity, wear dresses every day, and have long hair, doesn't mean I had a crappy relationship with my dad. It doesn't mean I was raised with a bad father figure example. It doesn't mean my views on the world are skewed because I was socialized with a broken father-daughter relationship.

I could just be one smart cookie who realizes your misogynistic, double standard bullshit and I'm not taking any more of it. I wear combat boots and converse because they are comfortable, not because I'm trying to rebel against men as a result of not being loved enough by my father. So sit down, son.

Women have the insane burden of being pressured to be a freak in the sheets but a lady in the streets.  And we can't be both because the term "daddy issues" gets snuck in there and discredits our whole personality by saying a man "made us this way".

So DO NOT use an insecurity to tear a woman down. DO NOT use an insecurity to exploit a woman. And for Gloria Steinem's sake, DO NOT use an insecurity as an excuse to view a woman as less valuable, confident, intelligent, or capable of kicking your ass.