Male Privilege & Public Space

There's a lot of talk in the world of social activism about "space". It's not like all social advocates have a grand master plan to launch themselves into space and create an Interstellar-esque human race completely rid of systemic oppression and institutionalized power imbalances. Though I'm not opposed to such a plan...

But before I resurrect NASA, I'd like to explain what "space" in terms of social advocacy means, why it is so important, and what you can do to use your privilege to create space for marginalized groups.

Space can be physical. It can come in the form of meetings, gatherings, parades, group discussions. Space can be visual. It can be created in movies, TV shows, advertisements, commercials. Space can also be vocal and auditory in the form of radio, speeches, books, pamphlets.

So, think about a privileged group, white men, for example. They occupy a majority of spaces. They are always depicted in the media, they make up a majority of the government, as an English major I can tell you that 99.7% of the historical works I read are by white males. So why is this so detrimental? When a group of privilege takes up a majority of a society's space, it leaves little room for marginalized groups. Without LGBTQ friendly clubs, those youth grow up feeling isolated and sometimes internalize homophobia. Without positive representation of black women in the media, little black girls grow up thinking they are less beautiful than white women. Without multi-accessible websites and chat rooms, individuals with disabilities cannot expand their knowledge about their disability and find support through others with the same disability.

These are just a few examples of the detriments that a homogeneous space, occupied by a privileged group, can harm, isolate, and suppress marginalized groups.

I want to focus on one example that I see EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life. That is men using unchecked male privilege to occupy public space to the point of crossing boundaries, instilling fear, and demonstrating a core ideology of sexism.

I'm pretty sure every girl I've ever met has experienced a random guy coming up behind them at a party and just start grinding their nasty crotch up against them with no notice. Every girl has probably been walking down the street and been whistled or hollered at. And every girl has most likely experienced the fear of making eye contact with a guy for more than 1/2 a second for fear that they will take it as an invitation to fuck, make a bee-line to them, and commence their hideous mating ritual of cocky self-entitlement.

Since I encounter examples like these every single day, I think it's safe to assume that there still exists a male population that is completely oblivious of their privilege and have no fucking clue that their physical and vocal presence is not solicited, not wanted, not consensual, and instills fear and discomfort in many women. So let's talk about why this abuse of male privilege is bad and what men can do to knock that shit off.

1. IT'S NOT FUCKING CONSENSUAL 

What is it about a half a second of eye contact that you read as "yes, please approach me and begin to spit game in the cockiest way because we both already know that I'm completely willing to go home with you"? Men, mistaking the slightest bit of contact or politeness from women as consent is the most annoying and disgusting thing that you can do. If I make eye contact with you, this is not a sign to approach me. If I smile at you out of politeness, this is not a sign to approach me. Even if I continue a conversation with you for more than 30 seconds, THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO GET ANY CLOSER TO ME. Your male privilege allows you to feel entitled to the space around you, including the space within inches of my face. But this space is not fucking yours and you do not have all women's consent to insert yourself into their space at any time that feels convenient to you.

But Bailey, what are you saying? I'm not allowed to go up to a pretty girl at a bar and make polite conversation? Naw, just make sure that she's comfortable with it. Maybe instead of reading half a second of eye contact as the green light, wait until she noticeably makes eye contact with you or doesn't break eye contact or does so while smiling and giving other body language signals of receptiveness. For Christ's sake, just stop assuming every woman's personal space and time is worthy of your presence.

2. IT SCARES THE LIVING HELL OUT OF WOMEN

There is nothing scarier than some random man that I've never seen in my entire life telling me to "have a good night" as I'm walking home from the bars at night. That is a sure fire way to make sure I put my keys between my knuckles and practically sprint home ready to sucker punch any other man that tries to approach me.

A lot of men will say that they are just trying to be polite. No. You are making your presence known to that woman. You are displaying a pathetic attempt to get her attention, let her know that you are in her vicinity, and desperately hoping she'll be reckless enough to react to this slimy comment and give you some of her time.

News flash, since a majority of sexual assaults are committed by men, women have become hyper-vigilant of any man in their presence, especially strangers. Male privilege in combination with hyper masculinity and sexism is a potent combination that often leads to violence. Women are well fucking aware of that. You reminding them that you are there, that you are potentially stronger than them, and that you have the disrespectful audacity to insert yourself into their space instills an insane amount of fear that you will never in your entire life ever understand.

Tip - unless a woman looks seriously in danger, don't fucking insert your physical presence into her life. You have zero rights and you don't belong there.

3. IT EXCLUDES OTHER WOMEN WHO NEED THE DAMN SPACE MORE THAN YOU DO

This refers specifically to men inserting themselves into certain realms of the feminist movement. Yes, we need men in the feminist movement. Why? Because our society is so deep rooted in sexism that women aren't taken as seriously and we need men to voice our message in order for it to be heard. So yes, male feminists come one, come all BUT stop inserting your opinion, your words, your ideas into the discussion. The ideology of the feminist movement needs to be made up BY WOMEN seeing as it is FOR WOMEN. And since you have no fucking clue what it's like to live as a woman, your opinion is completely irrelevant, harmful, and takes up space that other women could be occupying to let their experiences be heard.

You want to help fight the big bad patriarchy? Good, then shut up and listen to what women are saying is really wrong. Remove your voice from the vocal and auditory space in order for more women to be heard. The longer you shut up and stop voicing your useless opinions on feminism, the more other women can have the space to be heard. Your job is just to listen and then act in a way that those women say is helpful to the movement.

The topic of space within social activism is a lot broader than just public space and concerns a lot more people than just white men. As a fairly privileged white woman, this is the example that is most prominent in my life. However, I have to be aware of taking up too much space myself. Within the feminist movement, I must always be making space for women of color, women with disabilities, and transwomen and not inserting myself into spaces and conversations that are not directly relevant to my experience as a white queer woman. And I suggest you all try to do the same.

Don't Be A Jackass, Check Your White Privilege

With everything going on in Ferguson and New York, everyone and their mother's dog groomer's uncle have hopped on social media to voice their opinion. And I am 100% down for that; express yo self. I'm even willing and glad to read opinions that are vastly different than mine. Even though they are infuriating and make me want to move to Mars, I am able to be made aware of opposing view points because of social media.

But I would regret it to my death bed if I didn't use social media and my voice to stand up for what I believe in and attempt to educate others who might not have had the same privilege of an education as me. 

Oooo "privilege", what a word. But what does it mean, Bailey? I shall explain, because as far as I've seen, too many people that I know are completely unaware and ignorant of their privilege and this leads them to voice uneducated opinions and have harmful, oppressive beliefs and I am starting to bald from the stress of knowing these people exist get me a Xanax now. 

So I will attempt to explain white privilege in the most basic, accessible way that I can.

Privilege: a set of advantages, or lack of disadvantages, that a group enjoys usually without realizing or being aware that they have them.

Here are some examples (note: there's like 87 zillion more) if you are so unaware that you don't bother to analyze and critique the way you get to live in society simply for the group/class you were born into:

Male privilege: Do you feel relatively safe walking alone at night regardless of what you're wearing or how intoxicated you are? If yes, congrats you've got male privilege!
Cis gender privilege: Has anyone ever used the wrong gender pronouns on accident or on purpose as an attempt to hurtfully misgender you? If no, congrats you've got cis gender privilege!
Heterosexual privilege: Can you openly display PDA with your partner in public and not worry about your safety or being harassed or being told you're going to hell? If yes, congrats, you've got heterosexual privilege!
Wealth/class privilege: Did you grow up automatically assuming, and being told by your parents, that you would go to college? If yes, congrats, you've got class privilege!
Able-body privilege: Can you perform daily tasks on your own with ease and little pain? If yes, congrats, you've got able-body privilege!
Neurotypical/allistic privilege: Can you have a sad/off day and not worry about people telling you that it's all in your head and you should just *snap out of it*. If yes, congrats, you've got neurotypical privilege!

AND NOW, we shall address white privilege so my fellow pasty friends can stop being absolutely blind to the safety and opportunities that they enjoy simply because of their pallid mayo skin and the extreme danger, oppression, and disadvantages that people of color suffer from.

There's this hella rad feminist and anti-racism activist Peggy McIntosh that wrote an essay called "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Backpack". I pulled some of my examples from that. It would behoove you to read it yourself if you still aren't catching my drift here.

Here's my list of privileges that *I've recognized in my own life* due to my race. White males have an additional set of privileges that I as a female cannot comment on.

1. I have never once in my life feared police brutality or unfair treatment by the justice system because of my race. Yeah, when I see a cop I double check my lights, my seat belt, turn my music down, and pray to god that my break lights are working because cops make me nervous on the account that I don't want to get a ticket. BUT I've NEVER feared that I'd get pulled over, stopped, or harassed because I "looked suspicious" and I'd never fear that any punishment I received would be extreme or unfair because of someone else's prejudice.

2. I've never been told that I am "pretty for a white girl". I don't have to worry that my race makes me less beautiful or doesn't meet Euro-centric standards. I can wear my hair naturally and not have anyone call me "ghetto" because of it. I get to see a plethora of gorgeous white women in the media and be validated that I am beautiful because I have something in common with those women - my race. If I was a total asshole, I could also appropriate parts of black female beauty culture and I'd be considered ~* quirky and fun *~ instead of trashy or hood.

3. I've never been told that I speak "like a white person" or that I'm articulate for my race. I don't have to worry that my dialect of English will be considered less intelligent or identify me as a criminal. I also don't have to worry that my children will be made fun of and corrected in school because of their dialect. Also, I'll have all my alfredo sauce lookin' friends know that AAVE is NOT standard English with mistakes. It is not any less valid or understandable than what you call (and really should stop) "standard English". I took a linguistics class this quarter, get at me.

4. I've never felt uncomfortable in an airport because of my race. I've never been singled out in security checks. I've never had people move seats away from me on a plane. I don't have to worry that if one white person commits an act of violence that others will label my entire race as terrorists.

5. I've never seen people of other races throwing parties with themes that belittle my special cultural traditions or holidays. No one has every reduced a cultural event that is important to me without knowing any of its importance, meaning, or symbolism, down to fake mustaches, face paint, and pinatas.

6. When I got into college and got a job, I never doubted why I was accepted. I assumed it was because I was qualified and not because of my race. I also never have other people telling me that I got a job because of my race. Also, as a college student, I've never had anyone ask me what sport I play because they assume I didn't get accepted based on academic merit alone.

7. When I learn about the history of my race and my country, it is focused on people of my race. I can devote 4 years (and a quarter...) of my life and ungodly amounts of money to major in English which will REQUIRE classes that focus on authors of my race and include authors of colors as small optional elective classes. I see the faces of the crotchety Founding Fathers and their creepy powdered wigs EVERYWHERE and am assured that this country was founded on white supremacy and people of color essentially accomplished nothing because they're not in the history books, right?

Alright so what now my Wonder Bread looking friends? Are we supposed to just wallow in our white guilt and feel sorry for ourselves because geez I have it so easy wahhhh I feel so bad for people of color. First, cut that shit out. White guilt is not going to do anyone any good and honestly, it's just you inserting yourself into the struggles of people of color. Get out of there, that is not your space. Second, start by just acknowledging these privileges that you have. Notice them, mention them to your other 2% milk looking friends to teach them, and then quit crying and start standing in solidarity with people of color. LISTEN to them when they say something. Do not invalidate what a person of color says because you don't understand; YOU ARE NOT LIVING THEIR LIFE EXPERIENCE. What they say goes. If you truly want to help dismantle white supremacy and systemic racism, do what they say will help.