Does My Depression Affect My Activism?

Sometimes people argue with me about my activist work and my constant talk about social justice and equity. I'm pretty terrible at laying out a persuasive, logical argument (so much for being an English major) specifically around social justice issues because I get so emotional. In my mind, it completely baffles and deeply saddens me that power differentials exist and that people have lived and continue to live with the detriments and real effects of this oppression. In my mind, it is completely ludicrous (I've been spelling this as "Ludacris" up until about a week ago - again, so much for being an English major) that anyone would argue against this, that anyone would argue against my work which is simply to increase empathy and equity for those who have suffered a long, systemic, institutionalized history of oppression, marginalization, and violence.

So how do I explain to others how I am able to step back, check my privilege, not react in anger or denial, and then try my hardest to love, empathize with, and advocate for others who are less privileged than myself?

Here's a list of things I came up with that helped guide me to the path of activism:

• Education - being exposed to different people, lives, experiences, etc. in college; getting involved in organizations that served and empowered marginalized groups
• Reading - through literature I learned about different life experiences and histories that mainstream education and textbooks don't teach 
• Love - possessing a genuine love and empathy for other human beings helps with activist work 
• Depression???

Wait, what?

I try to be hyper-aware of the impact my depression has on the lives around me and on those I love. I try to mitigate this impact as much as possible by being self-reliant, seeking professional help, and healing myself. So naturally, with such awareness, my depression came up in my meditation on what affects my activism. My depression probably affects everything in my life, but here are the ways I believe my depression may be impacting my activism: 

1. I value others over myself 

This may be blatant and perhaps triggering, but for the sake of being honest, I will admit that I often value others' lives over myself. My depression makes me think I'm a piece of crap and won't amount to much in life. Everyone else is more worthy of empathy, empowerment, and justice than me. With this mindset, of course I'm able to set aside my privilege and advocate for others. I sure as hell don't want to advocate for myself. I wonder why everyone else can't do the same? Just recklessly disregard yourself in order to promote and empower others; it's easy.

So how can we mitigate this? 

Activists with mental illnesses, especially depression, must work to realize that they are valuable assets in the fight for social justice. By valuing ourselves less we are valuing our activism, our empathy, and our power to do good less. It is painfully difficult, but we must start viewing ourselves as worthy, capable, and critical members of the social justice movement. 

2. I focus on the negative impacts of oppression 

I often find that when I'm engaged in activism through writing, conversation, etc. I focus a lot on the horrific long history of oppression and violence that many peoples have faced. I focus on their continued oppression by these systems. I focus on the terrible detriments that racism, homophobia, transphobia, colonialism, etc. can have on an individual and groups of people. Again, with this mindset, how can't I or anyone else help but get involved and advocate for others?

So how can we mitigate this? 

Activism is just as much about fighting social injustices and promoting equity as it is celebrating and empowering marginalized peoples. Marginalized peoples have been surviving, creating, learning, leading, building, and innovating for all of history. We must not ignore this. We must tell the stories of success, of love, of skill, of overcoming obstacles of oppression that mainstream history tries to erase. 

3. My depression compounds my white privilege 

As a white individual, I have the privilege of checking out of conversations about and fights against racism, colonialism, islamophobia, etc. I can take a day off; these systems don't affect my life. I can choose to pass on certain issues because I'm tired and I participated in the last one. This laziness and apathy are compounded by my depression. With my depression sometimes I'm hardly able to get out of bed to shower or do laundry or eat let alone participate in social justice movements and activist issues on a daily basis.

So how can we mitigate this? 

Self care helps! Yes, self care doesn't cure depression or any other mental illness but it may help you feel a little better and more ready to get out there and fight. By healthily addressing your depression, showing yourself compassion, and developing safe and healthy habits, you can be a better person and a better activist. Self care won't get rid of your mental illness, but it may help mitigate some of the symptoms. Develop a community of activists with mental illnesses to connect with for support and best practices.

Also, as a person with certain privileges, challenge yourself! We have a responsibility to empower marginalized peoples and to use our privilege to create a more equitable and just world. Yes, it is difficult, frustrating, and heartbreaking at times, and it can be compounded by mental illness (especially depression), but the world and people facing life-threatening oppression need you. If it helps, make tangible goals for each day. If you're feeling like your mental illness won't allow much for the day, make small goals - write a Senator, post an article, make a small donation. Just keep the momentum going.

All this being said, I don't place any blame on activists with mental illnesses. I personally know the struggle of mental illness getting in the way of or hindering your activism. It can be frustrating and disheartening. But your work is critical and so are you. You are necessary and valued in the movement for social justice and any effort you make, even on your bad days, is beneficial and has an effect.

Appropriation of Pain: White Guilt & LGBTQ Allies

So I have a hobby of hanging out in graveyards. I think they're beautiful and a poignant connection to the past. I also fully recognize the part of myself that finds it cathartic to borrow other people's pain for a little bit and then continue on my merry way. I think we can all relate to that concept to some degree. Ever slowed your driving to peep a roadside accident? Or been fascinated with a news story simply because it's a little graphic or morbid? Or at the age of 10 only read the obituary section of the newspaper? Just me? Okay then...

Point is, I think we can all imagine a time when we've found ourselves drawn to tragedy that has nothing to do with ourselves. Why is that? Because viewing someone else's pain from a distance, being removed from it, allows us to experience a catharsis of sadness and also allows us to feel grateful that the tragedy didn't happen to us. 

So per usual, I started to think about how this applies to social justice and marginalized groups. And wouldn't you know, it turns out the borrowing other people's lives and cultures, especially their pain associated with the oppression and criminalization of their lives and cultures, IS NOT A NICE THING.  

Appropriation is a really wide topic, so I wanted to just focus on appropriation of pain. So that means specifically trying to insert yourself into a marginalized group in an attempt to feel their pain or make yourself some sort of martyr for that group.

And who else is a more perfect candidate for this social justice no-no than straight allies? Let's talk about what is so morbidly wrong, and actually harmful to the LGBTQ community, about straight allies.

1. Straight people already have enough social space of their own. So straight allies, GTFO of ours!!!

LGBTQ spaces are created for many reasons, but some of those include providing physical and emotional safety for our community. Any spaces - physical, social, written, etc.- that revolve around the LGBTQ community are created because we need bonds, support, validation, and visibility. STRAIGHT PEOPLE DO NOT NEED THIS. You get validation for your sexuality every day since the day you're born, you have visibility in literally everything, and you don't really need support for a sexuality that is the social "norm".

The full acronym (that I'm aware of and is by no means official as identities are always being renamed, reclaimed, and realized) is LGBTTQQIAPP and I'd argue +D for demi. And what does that A stand for? Asexual. Is there another A for allies? Hell fucking no. By including yourself in the LGBTQ acronym or community, you are basically stating that you feel entitled to a safe space when you're already safe. Under the guise of social justice and empathy you are taking resources and space from those who truly need it. Be an ally but do social justice work in your own lane not ours.

2. Straight people literally directly experience 0% of the pain and struggle of coming out or self-identifying as queer. 

There have been too many damn times when I've experienced straight allies showing up to LGBTQ events and getting on a soap box dramatic monologue about their struggle of supporting their gay friend or lesbian sister. I've seen straight people literally cry at public events when telling the story of finding out their brother was gay or that one time they said "I accept you" to their queer bff. What the literal fuck is wrong with you?

Coming out to yourself, friends, family, anyone is an extremely hard process that often leads to people being kicked out of their homes, harassed at work, or physically/sexually abused. Straight people experience NONE of this. I don't care if it was hard on your family to find out your brother was gay, you're not gay, you're not living it, you're not the one that could potentially be harassed or hurt. Straight people that come into LGBTQ spaces and then take up time and resources with their faux martyrdom are absolute trash. Don't try to pretend you understand any of the pain LGBTQ individuals go through, you will literally never know. So stop speaking over our pain.

Another group that comes to mind when thinking about the appropriation of pain is those who so self-righteously inflict white guilt upon themselves.

1. White guilt distracts the conversation from being about the real issues of racism.

If you use spaces dedicated to discussing issues of racism to voice your deep emotional pain and guilt over your ancestors being hugely racist, bigoted assholes, then you yourself are an asshole. Living with a history of your people being enslaved, unjustly murdered, and systemically oppressed is uncountably more times distressing than knowing your dear great great grandad Elmer Mayo-Smith was a racist bag of dicks.

By feeling white guilt, or believing it is even really a thing, you are 1. stating that racism is a thing of the past that only your ancestors took part in when FALSE racism is very much fucking alive today and 2. that your pity party is more important than the real mistreatment and oppression of people of color. Literally, you are insanely privileged if you are white, so stop trying to make the conversation about you. Issues of racism apply to people of color and how they experience the world. Give people of color the space and strength to voice these experiences, frustrations, thoughts, etc. since they are the one's who are oppressed daily. Use your privilege to aid people of color in these efforts NOT use your privilege to paint yourself as the victim when you are the farthest thing from one in terms of racism.

2. White guilt is racist in that it attempts to trump white pain/guilt over the real, historical oppression/victimization/criminalization of black people.

If you think your pathetic white pain is more worthy of being voiced that real systemic oppression, physical violence, and negative stereotyping of people of color than you my friend ARE RACIST.

You are taking vocal space away from people of color by voicing your misplaced white guilt. You are physically taking up space, that you have already been privileged with your entire life, that could be used by people of color to voice their real-life experiences, a space that they have been historically denied and pushed out of.

You are inserting yourself into a space that people of color have fought long and hard to have and create for themselves. You are appropriating their pain, stealing their voice, and derailing the conversation of racism to be about you because you think you are more important. You're about as racist as your old grandad Mayo-man.

Okay so this all sounds like a huge bummer, right? Awww but Bailey...I'm just trying to help...how am I supposed to be a good ally and advocate for the LGBTQ and POC communities? The answer is simple, my friends. You sit down and shut up. You do not get a gold ribbon and a pulpit for a personal dramatic monologue for being an empathetic, decent human being. You do not need to constantly voice your "support" for marginalized groups. We have our own voice and we need a space to let it be heard. We can't do that if you're constantly blabbing about what a great ally your are and how it personally takes a toll on you to support your gay friend or think about your racist grandpa Mayo. So just settle down and share the space.