Does My Depression Affect My Activism?

Sometimes people argue with me about my activist work and my constant talk about social justice and equity. I'm pretty terrible at laying out a persuasive, logical argument (so much for being an English major) specifically around social justice issues because I get so emotional. In my mind, it completely baffles and deeply saddens me that power differentials exist and that people have lived and continue to live with the detriments and real effects of this oppression. In my mind, it is completely ludicrous (I've been spelling this as "Ludacris" up until about a week ago - again, so much for being an English major) that anyone would argue against this, that anyone would argue against my work which is simply to increase empathy and equity for those who have suffered a long, systemic, institutionalized history of oppression, marginalization, and violence.

So how do I explain to others how I am able to step back, check my privilege, not react in anger or denial, and then try my hardest to love, empathize with, and advocate for others who are less privileged than myself?

Here's a list of things I came up with that helped guide me to the path of activism:

• Education - being exposed to different people, lives, experiences, etc. in college; getting involved in organizations that served and empowered marginalized groups
• Reading - through literature I learned about different life experiences and histories that mainstream education and textbooks don't teach 
• Love - possessing a genuine love and empathy for other human beings helps with activist work 
• Depression???

Wait, what?

I try to be hyper-aware of the impact my depression has on the lives around me and on those I love. I try to mitigate this impact as much as possible by being self-reliant, seeking professional help, and healing myself. So naturally, with such awareness, my depression came up in my meditation on what affects my activism. My depression probably affects everything in my life, but here are the ways I believe my depression may be impacting my activism: 

1. I value others over myself 

This may be blatant and perhaps triggering, but for the sake of being honest, I will admit that I often value others' lives over myself. My depression makes me think I'm a piece of crap and won't amount to much in life. Everyone else is more worthy of empathy, empowerment, and justice than me. With this mindset, of course I'm able to set aside my privilege and advocate for others. I sure as hell don't want to advocate for myself. I wonder why everyone else can't do the same? Just recklessly disregard yourself in order to promote and empower others; it's easy.

So how can we mitigate this? 

Activists with mental illnesses, especially depression, must work to realize that they are valuable assets in the fight for social justice. By valuing ourselves less we are valuing our activism, our empathy, and our power to do good less. It is painfully difficult, but we must start viewing ourselves as worthy, capable, and critical members of the social justice movement. 

2. I focus on the negative impacts of oppression 

I often find that when I'm engaged in activism through writing, conversation, etc. I focus a lot on the horrific long history of oppression and violence that many peoples have faced. I focus on their continued oppression by these systems. I focus on the terrible detriments that racism, homophobia, transphobia, colonialism, etc. can have on an individual and groups of people. Again, with this mindset, how can't I or anyone else help but get involved and advocate for others?

So how can we mitigate this? 

Activism is just as much about fighting social injustices and promoting equity as it is celebrating and empowering marginalized peoples. Marginalized peoples have been surviving, creating, learning, leading, building, and innovating for all of history. We must not ignore this. We must tell the stories of success, of love, of skill, of overcoming obstacles of oppression that mainstream history tries to erase. 

3. My depression compounds my white privilege 

As a white individual, I have the privilege of checking out of conversations about and fights against racism, colonialism, islamophobia, etc. I can take a day off; these systems don't affect my life. I can choose to pass on certain issues because I'm tired and I participated in the last one. This laziness and apathy are compounded by my depression. With my depression sometimes I'm hardly able to get out of bed to shower or do laundry or eat let alone participate in social justice movements and activist issues on a daily basis.

So how can we mitigate this? 

Self care helps! Yes, self care doesn't cure depression or any other mental illness but it may help you feel a little better and more ready to get out there and fight. By healthily addressing your depression, showing yourself compassion, and developing safe and healthy habits, you can be a better person and a better activist. Self care won't get rid of your mental illness, but it may help mitigate some of the symptoms. Develop a community of activists with mental illnesses to connect with for support and best practices.

Also, as a person with certain privileges, challenge yourself! We have a responsibility to empower marginalized peoples and to use our privilege to create a more equitable and just world. Yes, it is difficult, frustrating, and heartbreaking at times, and it can be compounded by mental illness (especially depression), but the world and people facing life-threatening oppression need you. If it helps, make tangible goals for each day. If you're feeling like your mental illness won't allow much for the day, make small goals - write a Senator, post an article, make a small donation. Just keep the momentum going.

All this being said, I don't place any blame on activists with mental illnesses. I personally know the struggle of mental illness getting in the way of or hindering your activism. It can be frustrating and disheartening. But your work is critical and so are you. You are necessary and valued in the movement for social justice and any effort you make, even on your bad days, is beneficial and has an effect.