Petition to Ban the Phrase "Suck My Dick"

I'll be the first to admit that when I'm offended or there happens to be an inordinate amount of terrible drivers on the road that day, I'll scream "suck my dick!" or more eloquently "suck my metaphorical dick!" at the passing drivers while spilling coffee on my lap and probably blowing out a vocal cord. Such are my daily mornings.

I'm not so much advocating for the complete ban of this phrase as I am challenging you all to think of where it comes from and what its implications are. I've managed to eradicate most slurs from my vocabulary but I don't think I'm helping oppress any group by telling them to perform oral copulation on me? The phrase is problematic and gross as hell, but I don't think it's perpetuating negative stereotypes of any marginalized group.

Still, I think we should always meditate on aspects of popular culture, media, and cultural norms and really think about how they could be perpetuating rape, sexism, or unbalanced power dynamics. Thus said, let an almost-graduated English major take you on the journey of critical thinking and over-interpreting that her next 50 years of student loan debt has taught her.

Here are my issues with the phrase "suck my dick" or more known in the texting world of teens in the mid 2000s as "smd":

1. IT'S NOT CONSENSUAL. 

What part of screaming "suck my dick" at someone like an unhinged lunatic promotes consent? Granted people usually don't literally want someone else to go down on them, but the phrase still promotes/is reminiscent of an interaction that is in no way consensual. It's not a question, it's a demand. It's usually said in anger or as a way to rebound from a particularly offensive burn from one of your bros - both of which are situations that rarely lead to a healthy, consensual, mutually enthusiastic sexual encounter.

Our society already has such an issue of creating a culture of consent, why let things that promote rape continue at all?  Whenever I go to present to classes and clubs about consent, the main concern of guys is that ASKING THE QUESTION WILL KILL THE MOOD. Instead I feel like guys are more likely to vocalize their desire to have sex, and offer their partner an opportunity to chime in with a yay or nay, by stating "let's have sex". Not a question, but a demand/order said in a slightly polite way. Okay yay for you for being vocal and at least saying something instead of attempting to mind read like an asshole. But still, a QUESTION is so. much. better. than a unopened statement.

So I promote "would you like to suck my dick?" over "suck my dick" because let's include consent even in our insults, people.

2. It promotes a power imbalance and position of subordination on one person's place. 

If you've ever watched porn simply for research purposes on power dynamics between heterosexual couples, fetishization of races/sexualities, and rape culture, (am I the only one that does this?), then you'll see that usually heterosexual dick sucking presented in porn is highly aggressive, slightly abusive, and promotes the subordination of the woman.

I'll ask you to picture a scene in your head (if my little brother is reading this, then you can stop here buddy). One person is usually in a position of weakness, lower status, and degradation. Like physically. Unless the man's dick is on their head, these two parties are not equal. Also, a lot of porn has this creepy use of oral copulation on males as a form of punishment for women? It's used to put "dirty sluts" in their place and even to turn lesbians straight. Whatever the homophobic, sexist plot of the porno might be, 99.9% of the time it promotes the idea of women in a place of subordination and really, non consensual subordination.

So unless we turn the phrase "suck my dick" into "hey, wanna go down on me? and then would you want me to go down on you? are we both enthusiastically down for this equal sexual encounter?" then I think we should just avoid it all together.

3. I don't understand everyone's weird fascination with using genitalia as insults. 

I'm all about talking about genitalia. It should not be a taboo subject, we should be openly talking about sex and our bodies. In fact, I'm a proud new owner of a self-gynecology zine so if you see me on campus expect me to drop some random knowledge about how your mucus indicates your level of fertility on you.

Anyways...I don't understand people's fascination with calling each other a "dick" or "pussy" as if our own anatomy was so offensive and demeaning? You wanna call your bro a pussy for not butt chugging another shot? A pussy birthed your hideous fat face which takes a lot more strength than you sticking to your rigid ideas of hypermasculinity, so sit down and think about that for a minute.

I also think it can be harmful to focus so much on genitalia as an indicator of gender and power. You say "suck my dick" and you're promoting the idea of a male exerting power over another. That's problematic for the trans community because not all men have dicks, not all people that have dicks are men, AND trans individuals often have some body dysmorphia. They might be uncomfortable with parts of their body that don't align with their gender or they may not acknowledge those parts of their body anymore. The image of a penis should not be associated with men or power.

All in all the phrase is pretty harmless. But I'm still an advocate of constantly critically thinking about your environment and the subtle ways in which systemic oppression manifests itself within our culture. So next time you tell your bro to suck your dick as a defense mechanism for your wounded ego ask yourself, "Do I really want them to suck my dick? If I did, shouldn't I ask for consent? If not, what am I implying? Does that implication suggest I have power in that situation? What consequences does that have for my mindset towards women, sex, and gender?" Don't just blurt shit out because you're too dull minded and unoriginal to come up with any unique and halfway intelligent comebacks. Think about the things you say because they matter.