What It's Like Being a Feminist Older Sister

Growing up I always wanted older siblings, specifically older brothers who would give away knuckle sandwiches like candy to any punk teenage boys that broke my heart. For awhile, I very much resented the fact that I was the protector and I was the one to serve as a good example. Turns out I was just being a lazy asshole who wanted to be able to enjoy the luxuries of the middle children who never got grounded for going over text message limits in middle school and never had to write a list of do's and don'ts for their mom when they got their first boyfriend (true story).

As I've grown older, I've also grown into the idea of being the oldest child, specifically the oldest sister. As a social activist I always look for ways that I can lead by example and being the oldest sibling is the perfect way to do so. Here are some things that are pretty rad about being the feminist older sister of the family.

1. I can serve as a resource on relationships, body image, sexism, etc. for my younger sister.

My mom is the tits, we already established this when she was a total baller about me coming out. However, as a teenage girl, coming to your mom about certain lady issues can be embarrassing or uncomfortable. I would like to think that I can provide my younger sister with information that a lot of young girls are too afraid to ask for since they don't have someone closer to their age to discuss things with.

I can give my sister maybe more relevant advice on boiz and whatnot. Also, I serve as a role model for being a self-identified feminist that openly discusses issues of sexism. My little sister has already been very vocal and public about her support of the feminist movement and I will definitely take at least 1% credit for that. The other 99% is her being a total badass.

I've also learned that I don't have to be a perfect role model for my little sister and that being transparent about my depression and other issues offers her more resources and support than if I were to try to be perfect.

2. I can teach my younger brothers about consent and healthy masculinity. 

Every time I come home it's not like I sit my little brothers down and have a chat about good ole consent. For Thanksgiving break I don't have a whole PowerPoint prepared on healthy sexual relationships for them...not that it's crossed my mind or anything...

BUT just through my actions, my daily dialogue, and bringing home "I Heart Consensual Sex" buttons for my 14 year old brother, I am slowly exposing them to the basics around consent and respecting women.

Also, since I don't let them get away with being douche bags in the slightest, I don't have to worry about them having a warped sense of masculinity or attempting to over exert their masculinity. It also helps that my dad, although a redneck, Nacho Libre-esque, all-meat-eating loon, is also exposed to my occasional rants about feminism. You best believe that if any of the men in my family pulled some sexism ish that I would jump down their throats...in the kindest way of course.

3. My younger siblings teach me about the youth and the gender/sexism problems this generation of young whipper snappers is facing. 

Despite my being on the internet 23/7, keeping in touch with what is hip and kewl is quite hard. But I believe that in any field one should keep up to date with the latest and greatest in order to provide the most cutting edge, trendy products, therapy, bucket hats, etc.

SO having younger siblings lets me learn about the strange world of the youth without being a total creeper and Googling "sexist problems that teenz deal with". I get to hear the issues they deal with and offer advice, but I also get to change my own mindset based on new ideas that are emerging.

I quite literally have horrific nightmares that I'm going to be that extremely out of touch, crotchety, old, offensive grandparent simply because I haven't kept an open mind to the ideas of younger generations. I can already tell I'll be incapable of working any form of technology seeing as I can't even work a Mac these days, but for Christ's sake I hope I'm still supporting body piercings and reproductive rights when I'm 105 years old.

4. I am giving my parents hell and making them questions whether or not they wanted a fiery feminist as a first born or not. 

As the oldest sibling, I took the heat for breaking the first flip phone, having the first co-ed birthday party, and dating the first angsty teen boy. But I've also taken the heat for being the first non-heterosexual sibling, the first advocate for gender equity, and the first one to be cited as "burning bras" in our family Christmas newsletter written by my dad.

I am proud that I have challenged my parents a bit to rethink their ideas of gender and sexuality. I'm glad that I can un-apologetically open discussions with them about these topics. My mom always told me that she wanted me to be comfortable with my body and here I am just running around half naked at the age of 21 which she claims is taking her advice too far. Good, mom. I want to challenge your notions of the female body and inspire you to join a nudist colony! Just kidding...but I'm really glad that I can prompt my parents to go a step further in their understanding of feminist issues.

In contrast to if I was a middle/younger child, I believe I would have a harder time integrating these beliefs into my parents' mindsets. Say a first child already paved the way and was a devout Mormon for the rest of their life, it would have been harder for me to come in as a middle child as say "EFF THE GENDER BINARY DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY WHERE'S THE SEX POSITIVE SEX EDUCATION!?!?" I'm fairly certain this would have literally killed my parents or caused WWIII within the Hamblin household.

I'm lucky enough to come from a family that is very open with each other, and by open I mean we literally pants each other, get in fist fights, and fart on each other. But I'm glad I've grown into my role as the older sister and taken it as an opportunity to shove my feminist agenda down my family's throats. I let go of the idea of being the perfect older sister a long time ago and instead settled for being the feminist, bisexual, liberal, slightly-flawed-but-still-over-confident big sister.