Supporting a Survivor of Sexual Assault

If someone ever discloses a sexual assault to you, it is important to know the positive and helpful ways to respond. Odds are, you are the first person they've told and if they get a negative response, odds are the won't tell anyone else.

Since rapists usually perpetrate an average of 6 times, 1 failed response by a victim's supporter can lead to 5 more assaults. If that's not motivation enough to educate yourself and prepare to support anyone in your life you trusts you enough to disclose, then lord have mercy on your soul.

Do:

• Start by believing! Every. single. time. Even tell the survivor that. Say, "I believe you. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to tell me."
• Know local resources and offer them to the survivor. If you don't know the resources, offer to find them and accompany a survivor to any offices, exams, etc. 
• Put all the control in their hands. Survivors have had their power of choice stripped from them. Let them make decisions of what resources to use, when to go, who can accompany them. If you accompany them anywhere, even letting them make small decisions like asking where you should sit, would they like water, etc. gives them their power back. 
• Respect that certain people, places, or words could be triggers for them. Just because something doesn't trigger you, doesn't mean it doesn't seriously affect them. 

Don't:

• Don't interrogate them. Literally no detail of a sexual assault matters except for the fact that it happened and this person needs a loving, gentle support system. They been drankin? Irrelevant. They wore a short skirt? Irrelevant. They were out late? Irrelevant. Don't even ask. 
• DO NOT push them to report anything. Formally reporting is a serious process that requires retelling their story to several parties. If they are not ready for, respect that decision. 
• Unless you are a mandated reporter via Title IX, don't tell a soul about the conversation. 
• Don't invade their personal space. If they are cross armed and leaning back, don't reach out and touch them. Even for a hug. Respect that they might feel violated and aren't ready to have anyone in a close space right then. 
• Don't bring it up after the fact. Don't make a survivor feel like a sexual assault now defines who they are. It's not true. They were a radical person before, they are a radical person now. 
• On that note, don't expect them to be 100% the same person they were before the incident. The healing process takes time and is life altering. Don't be the asshat that pesters them with "well you used to like going to this bar", "well you used to smile a lot more", "well you used to blah blah blah". OBJECTION. Stop that nonsense. 

Remember, supporting someone and talking about these issues can often take a lot mentally and emotionally out of a person. Take care of yourself. Talk it out with a confidential service such as a local rape crisis center, a counseling center, etc. Take a bath and eat a tub of chocolate frosting. You deserve it for being an empathetic, gentle human being.

Here are some resources that are good to know regardless of your location:

• National Sexual Violence Resource Center: http://www.nsvrc.org/ 
• Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network: https://rainn.org/get-help/sexual-assault-and-rape-international-resources
• The United States Department of Justice: http://www.justice.gov/ovw/sexual-assault 
• The White House Not Alone site: https://www.notalone.gov/