Talk Dirty to Me

Literally. Talk dirty to me. Or clean. Doesn't matter. Just talk more.

Bailey wtf is this post about? Is this some desperate cry for more sex? What is going on...

I mean I'm not not down for more sex.....but this post is about COMMUNICATION! Especially in the bedroom.

Communication is ESSENTIAL. It is mandatory for consent and beneficial for better sex.

Communication and consent:

Alright so consent is sexy, but it's also mandatory. Consent doesn't always have to be verbal, it can be expressed through body language. But you better be really friggin good at reading body language if you're going to use it as your only indicator of consent. Thus, verbal consent is preferred because it's more clear.

Plus, it's hot. A guy can say "Let's have sex" or "Shower sex?" and I'm like whoa thanks for checking in, I appreciate that, let's bone. Or I can be like whoa thanks for checking in, now I can say I'm only down to makeout and don't have to keep squirming away when you reach for my zipper. 

I consider myself a pretty empowered, sex positive woman. But I still have times where I'm not jumping the gun to be the one to initiate sex like HEY THIS IS REALLY GREAT PLEASE TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF BRO.

Here's the thing with consent. It is the responsibility of whoever is initiating the heavy petting to get consent. I, as a woman, am less likely to initiate sex. That's just what we've been taught...that women don't want sex, you're a slut if you initiate it, you'll come across as thirsty....

So, I extremely appreciate it when a guy speaks up and checks in with me before we do the dirty. I never do things I don't want to just because I'm uncomfortable speaking up...I'll fa sho just get up and leave or blame it on my period if things get too far...but I'd love for it not to get to that point. I have so much respect for guys that check in with me and ask me what I want out of the night.

Communication and better sex:

I'm not sure if there's any hard statistics out there on this but I can say from personal experience that more communication leads to better sex/more pleasure 1,000% of the time. 1,001% even. I swear on my great granny's grave that every time a guy says "What do you want?" or "How do you want it?" I spontaneously fall in love and orgasm at the same time.

Sex is often portrayed (I bite my thumb at you, porn industry!) as male orgasm focused. That seems to be the end goal for all heterosexual sexual encounters. I tried to be chill with that for awhile. Honestly, I don't need to orgasm to have good sex. But after so many times of guys not even ASKING what I want, I quickly got over it.

Now, if a guy doesn't take my sexual needs into consideration or if I don't feel comfortable asking him to do certain things, I bail. It is my right to not have to put up with your mediocre skills because you watch too much porn and think all women like to be pile driven like you're a god damn jackhammer and have zero attention paid to their clitoris.

If you show even an inkling of interest in my sexual arousal, I guarantee I'll return the favor. And I won't think you're a total asshat after hooking up.

So this post is very heteronormative, but it really is just gathered from my experience with heterosexual relationships, not homosexual ones. But I can still advocate for more communication during homosexual bedroom time. It really just makes for a better, more consensual, orgasm-filled world all around.

So get out there and be considerate of your sexual partner, check in with them, ask to touch their butt, learn what they like and then dooooo it! (with their permission, of course)